Can't Fight This Feeling by Ankaree

Can't Fight This Feeling - ankaree

Jim sat quietly in his truck, eyes closed, hands resting on the steering wheel. With a deep sigh, he opened his eyes and gazed across the darkened street to his third story loft condo. The windows were dark, but after a quick scan, Jim knew that Blair was inside. He could hear his Guide’s heartbeat coming from the small room under the stairs, its steady rhythm indicating that Blair was still awake.

Earlier in the evening they had had a fight, resulting in Jim storming angrily out of the loft. It had been a petty argument, one that Jim had started. Something stupid about Blair once again leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor and hair clogging the shower drain.

He had been picking so many fights with Blair lately that during this latest quarrel, Blair had only shouted back a few defending remarks before raising his hands in defeat and slumping down onto the sofa. Jim tried to ignore the hurt he saw in his friend's expressive eyes, but it was impossible. But, instead of going to Blair and apologizing, he let the guilt from the pain he was causing fuel his anger. He had tried yelling a few more times to provoke Blair into continuing the fight, but he was simply ignored. With a soul deep sigh, his Guide had walked past Jim without so much as a glance and went to his room, closing his door with a soft click. Jim had stood there for a few seconds, then turned and left the loft, loudly slamming the door behind him.

He knew he was pushing Blair away, knew that if he didn’t stop it would only be a matter of time before his friend would leave, and that was something Jim didn’t want to happen. Just the thought terrified him and he knew that he would never survive if Blair left him.

The problems had started after Jim brought Blair back to life from his drowning in the fountain. On that horrible day, Jim had felt more than their animal spirits merge and become one in that burst of white light. Their own souls had merged as well, and a special link had formed between them. All the feelings that Jim had been hiding from Blair – hiding from himself – for months now were laid bare for his Guide to see and feel. And Jim had felt those same feelings of love returned and he had never been more terrified in his life.

But instead of embracing and accepting what he had felt, he hid from it. He was an expert at hiding his feelings, so it had been easy keeping everything he felt for Blair locked up deep within himself. He never wanted Blair to find out, never wanted to take that chance on hurting their friendship. So Jim did the only thing he knew how to do, he ignored what had happened between them. He severed their link and brushed off Blair’s attempt to talk about it that day in the hospital. He did his best to try to pretend that everything was back to normal again – but Jim was no fool and he knew that things were far from normal.

Because of the way he had been treating Blair lately, Jim was now afraid that those feelings of love he had experienced during the merge might no longer be returned. But he knew things could no longer continue the way they were going and it was time for him to face his fears – to face Blair. Jim prayed that his Guide would be able to forgive him for the things he had said and done. That they would be able to salvage their friendship and maybe, in time, fully accept and embrace the love that they had for one another.

The sound of rain beating a light rhythm on the metal roof brought Jim out of his thoughts. It was time to leave the warm haven of the truck, go inside and place his heart and soul in the hands of the man he loved. Taking the keys out of the ignition, Jim exited the truck and hurried across the wet street. As each step took him closer and closer to Blair, his heart lightened with the thought that he wasn’t going to hide any more and was finally going to voice, out loud, his true feelings.

He unlocked the loft door and stepping into the unlit room, hesitated for a moment. Then with a determined nod, Jim walked toward Blair’s room, stopping just outside. The door was open a crack and using his sight, he automatically adjusted so he could look into the dark bedroom. Jim could see Blair sitting on the end of his bed, still fully dressed, gazing out the darkened window in the fire escape door.

Raising a hand, Jim knocked softly. He heard a quiet sigh, but when there was no reply, he held onto his determination and slowly pushed the door open.

“May I come in?” Jim asked, hesitantly.

“If you want,” Blair replied with a shrug, without turning to look at Jim.

Jim entered the room, turned on the small bedside lamp and sat down next to Blair, being mindful to keep enough distance so as not to invade his personal space. “We need to talk, Chief.”

Glancing sideways, Jim watched as Blair’s head lowered, hands fidgeting in his lap. His Guide let out a long breath before sadly replying, “Look, Jim, if you want me to move out, please just tell me. I can be packed and gone before morning.”

“What?” Jim’s head snapped up and he turned to stare at his Guide. He could feel his own heart racing in panic at the thought of Blair walking out of his life. Hearing the sadness and hurt in Blair's voice, Jim knew he had to say something to ease the anguish. “No, I don’t want you to leave. This is your home as much as it is mine.”

“Then, please," Blair begged, "tell me what it is that I’m doing wrong. Why you can’t stand to be around me anymore?”

“Oh, Blair.” Jim squeezed his eyes tightly shut, his heart breaking at the pain that he’d been causing his Guide. He hadn’t realized, until this moment, how much his careless actions and words had been hurting Blair. The protective instincts he always had for his friend screamed at Jim to give comfort, so he placed a reassuring hand on a slumped shoulder, squeezing gently. It was something he had always done whenever Blair had been in distress or in need of comforting. But the moment Jim’s hand rested on Blair, he almost wept when his friend tensed at his touch.

“Okay, you need to listen to me, Chief. None of what has been going on is your fault.” The muscles remained taut, so Jim slid his hand down, rubbing in small soothing circles on the stiff back. “It’s my fault. I’ve been trying to ignore these feelings that have been going on inside me. And I’m so sorry that I’ve taken my insecurities out on you.”

Blair still wouldn’t look at him, but Jim could tell that he was listening. Deciding that it was now or never, Jim let his Guide know how he felt using three words he hadn’t said to anyone in a very long time: “I love you.”

“I know,” Blair returned softly.

“You know?” Jim frowned, then it suddenly dawned on him. “Of course you do. The merge, right?”

“Yes,” Blair said quietly. “I’ve known since we shared the vision.”

Now that he had made his declaration of love, Jim was puzzled why Blair wasn't reacting as he'd anticipated. Instead of responding with joy, Blair remained tense and silent.

“Blair? Would you look at me, please?” He waited until Blair finally lifted his head, turning to meet Jim’s eyes. The breath caught in his throat at the sadness he saw within the blue depths and he had to look away. “Do you want to leave?” He had to ask, had to know if he still had a chance or if he’d lost Blair forever.

Blair closed his eyes briefly before answering. “No,” he whispered with a shake of his head. “I don’t want to leave you, but I don’t know if I can go on living here, ignoring these feelings I have for you. Ignoring what was shared between us. I love you so much and it’s been killing me holding it all inside.”

Taking one of Blair’s hands in his, Jim rubbed his thumb back and forth across the knuckles. “You don’t have to ignore anything any more.” Jim smiled warmly when large blue eyes peeked up at him through long dark lashes, seeing hope slowly replacing the sadness. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to admit that I love you, but I’m okay with it now. I don’t want to lose you, Blair. You mean everything to me.”

“Really?” Blair asked tentatively

“You know how I really feel, Chief. You felt it that day the link was formed."

“I did feel it then, but after, in the hospital when I tried talking with you, the link was blocked. I knew you loved me, but I was confused as to why you were ignoring what happened. Every time I tried to bring it up, you either ignored me or picked a fight with me. So I started to think that maybe the reason you were pushing me away was because you were disgusted at the thought of loving another man. I was so afraid that you didn’t want me around anymore." Jim could hear the tremors in Blair's voice as he spoke the last sentence. When he met his Guide's eyes, he could see that they were bright with unshed tears.

Tucking a lock of hair behind Blair’s ear, Jim let his fingers linger to gently caress the soft curls. “Before I say anything else, I want you to know that I was never disgusted by the thought of loving you. Okay?” Jim asked with a little smile and at Blair’s nod, he continued, “I’m sorry for the way I treated you and for blocking you out.”

“But why did you do it? Why not talk with me about it?”

“Because I was scared. You know what a mess my love life has been. How, as soon as a relationship turns more serious, I bail for whatever reason. I’m such a failure with all the intimacy stuff.”

“Oh, Jim.” Blair lightly placed his palm on the side of Jim’s face. “You’re not a failure. You’ve just never met the right person. That special someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with.”

Jim rested his hand over the one on his cheek and gazed into the dark blue eyes. “But I have met that special someone.” He smiled softly and saw the beloved face before him light up. “I’m so afraid that I’m going to mess this up and that I’ll screw up the most important friendship I’ve ever had in my life.”

“You won’t,” Blair said confidently, turning fully to face Jim.

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I won’t let you. And because you know that I love you just as much as you love me.” Blair leaned a little closer and whispered, “Open yourself to me, James. Let me feel what you feel.”

Not being able to ignore his Guide's soft commanding voice, Jim obeyed immediately. He opened his mind fully, once again allowing all his feelings to flow into his Guide through their link. He felt Blair open to him as well and the love that poured back nearly overwhelmed him.

“Do you feel it, Jim?” Blair asked in awe.

“Yes,” Jim returned breathlessly.

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” When Blair looked up, Jim could see the wonder and joy shining from the bright blue eyes.

“It sure is,” Jim agreed, smiling “And so are you.” His eyes roamed slowly over his Guide's face, coming to rest on the full lips. With the link fully open now, Jim knew, without asking, that Blair wanted to be kissed.

Taking Blair's face in his hands, Jim leaned forward until their lips softly touched. Slowly and tentatively, he brushed his mouth over Blair's and when he felt the lips open willingly, all hesitancy was forgotten, and Jim slipped his tongue into the moist wetness. Both men groaned loudly when their tongues touched for the first time, and the Sentinel reveled in the wonderful sweet flavor of his Guide. They kissed for long minutes, taking the time to learn the taste and texture of one another's mouths.

Sliding one hand around to the base of Blair's head, Jim moved the other around to his back to gently pull him closer. There was a soft touch to his chest before nimble fingers worked to undo the top three buttons of his shirt and slipped inside to caress his heated skin. When his nipple was rubbed and gently pinched, Jim sucked in a sharp breath and arched his back slightly, loving the feeling of his Guide's touch. Wanting to do some touching of his own, Jim reluctantly broke the kiss and stood, pulling Blair up with him.

With a light kiss to the succulent lips, Jim slowly undressed Blair and once he was finished, lowered his naked Guide to the mattress. Quickly, Jim removed his own clothing, all the while being very aware of blue eyes watching him intently. When Jim crawled onto the bed beside Blair, their eyes met and both men smiled happily.

"There's something you should know," Blair said, running the tips of his fingers up and down Jim's arm.

"What's that?" Jim placed a loving kiss to Blair's forehead, causing the other man to smile.

"I've never – you know – done this before. With a man, I mean."

"Neither have I." Mesmerized by the kiss-reddened lips, Jim lightly touched a finger to them, caressing gently. He sucked in a breath when his index finger was drawn into warm wetness and slowly suckled before being released.

"So, I guess that means we're both virgins." Blair grinned and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Looks that way," Jim said with a chuckle. In one smooth motion, he rolled onto his back, pulling Blair on top of him. He watched in anticipation as Blair lowered his head, claiming Jim's mouth in a slow, sensual kiss.

"I'm a little nervous," Blair admitted.

"You're not alone in that department. So am I."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." Jim playfully tapped Blair's nose with his finger. "We're not exactly experienced when it comes to having sex with another man. So, how about, for now, we just touch each other and we'll see where it goes from there."

"Okay. And we can let each other know what feels good and what doesn't."

"I have a feeling that whatever you do to me will feel good." Jim nuzzled Blair's neck, inhaling deeply. "Mmmm, you smell fantastic."

Blair laughed, shifting his body. The motion made their cocks rub together, causing them both to moan at the pleasure. "You know," Blair panted. "I really liked the kissing part."

"Well, it's going to be really tough but I'm definitely up for trying it again." Jim grinned when Blair threw back his head and laughed. "I love to hear you laugh." Jim wrapped his arms around Blair, holding him in a gentle embrace. "The sound of it warms my soul."

"God, Jim, I don't know what to say to that," Blair responded, his voice husky.

"You don't have to say anything." Jim silenced any further reply by pulling Blair down and claiming his lips for a deep kiss. His Guide was the first one to draw back, lightly resting his forehead against Jim's.

"I can't believe we're finally together like this." Blair smiled, stroking Jim's chest in a light caress. "I want to touch you."

"God, yes." Excitement sizzled through Jim at the thought of Blair touching him, learning his body intimately.

Jim moaned loudly, arching his back when Blair kissed and licked his way across his smooth chest. He couldn't stop his hands from clutching at the curly head as one of his nipples was suckled to a hard nub. With a gentle push, Jim Guided Blair's head to the other nipple, hissing his pleasure when Blair paid the same attention to it as he had its mate. The sensations seared down Jim's body, going straight to his cock, causing it to fill to hardness.

Slowly, Blair nibbled and kissed his way lower, stopping briefly to swirl his tongue around Jim's navel before moving downward. Jim groaned in frustration when the torturous lips pulled away and didn't continue to the one place that was aching to be sucked. Opening eyes he hadn't even realized had been closed, he looked down to see Blair looking at him, a sexy smile on his lips, eyes shining with desire.

"Dial up a little," Blair said in that guiding voice that always seemed to make Jim do exactly what was being asked.

This time was no exception. Jim dialed up. And nearly shot off the bed when warm, silky lips engulfed the tip of his cock. A deep moan escaped from his throat and his fingers grabbed hold of the sheets, clutching tightly.

"Too much?" Blair asked, his voice tinged with concern.

"I just –" Jim's voice cracked. He cleared his throat and smiled before continuing, "I just didn't expect it to feel so damn good."

"Haven't you ever dialed up during sex before?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Jim moved up on his elbows, staring at his partner in frustration. "You know, Chief, I can think of better things you could be doing with that mouth of yours besides talking."

"I know." Blair laughed. "So, why not?"

Jim flopped back onto the mattress, knowing his Guide wouldn't give up until he had an answer. "Because I never trusted anyone enough to totally let go like that. I mean, what if I dialed up and I zoned on the sensations? I was just too afraid to try it."

Blair slid up his body, bringing their faces within inches, their breaths mingling together when Blair spoke, "You don't need to be afraid anymore."

"I know," Jim replied, running his hands up and down along Blair's sides. "I trust you. I always have and always will."

Blair's whole face lit up, love clearly shining from his eyes. "I love you."

"Love you, too." Lifting his head slightly, Jim kissed the enticing mouth. When they broke apart, Blair quickly moved back down between Jim's legs.

With an acknowledgement from Jim, Blair once again took his cock between his lips. Jim moved his hands down to bury his fingers in the soft curls, massaging gently as Blair began to slide his lips up and down his shaft, sucking lightly.

"Yeah – God, that's good," Jim moaned.

Seemingly encouraged by Jim's words, Blair sucked harder, using his tongue to swirl around the head of his cock. A hand took hold of his balls and began a gentle massage. With each downward slide of his mouth, Blair's fingers would squeeze a little harder. It was an amazing sensation and knowing it was Blair who was doing this to him made it all the more exiting. Jim could feel his climax quickly building, but he didn't want to come alone. He had had this fantasy for the longest time where, for their first time becoming lovers, he and Blair would reach their climax at the same time.

"Blair, wait," Jim gasped, panting breathlessly, pulling his lover's head up until his cock was released and their eyes met. Seeing the confusion and doubt on Blair's face, Jim quickly reassured his lover. "That was amazing, but I don't want to come just yet." He smiled and Blair returned it. "Come up here, lover. Straddle my chest," he directed and as Blair moved into position, Jim tucked another pillow behind his own head, bringing his face closer to Blair's groin. "This okay with you?" Not wanting to do anything that would make Blair uncomfortable, Jim had to be sure before continuing.

"More than okay," his lover replied and Jim couldn't help but smile tenderly when fingertips gently brushed across his cheek.

Shuffling down just a little for a better position, Jim reached out and lightly ran his fingers along the underside of Blair's hard cock, eliciting a hiss of pleasure to escape from his partner.

"More, Jim," Blair groaned.

Sliding a hand behind Blair, Jim lightly cupped his ass, caressing the mound gently. With his other hand, Jim took hold of his lover's cock, and with a forward push of the hand on the soft ass, guided the cock into his mouth.

As Jim began a slow, steady rhythm along the hard length, Blair grunted, leaning forward slightly, hands dropping to grip the top of the wooden headboard. Holding his own head still, Jim encouraged Blair to fuck his mouth by pulling his lover's lower body toward him. Blair was always a fast leaner and Jim wasn't disappointed when his Guide quickly caught on and took over, sliding his cock in and out of Jim's mouth. Reaching under Blair, he used his fingers of one hand to gently tease the fuzzy round sacs. Using the index finger of his other hand, Jim slowly worked it into the crack of Blair's ass, searching for the little pucker. The instant his finger brushed across his lover's hole, Blair let out a cry of pleasure, nearly choking Jim when the cock pushed farther into his mouth, hitting the back of his throat.

Opening his mind to their link, Jim could feel the pleasure flowing through his Guide and he had to clamp down on his own growing desire for fear of coming from what Blair was experiencing. He knew Blair was close and with that little fantasy of simultaneous orgasms still on his mind, Jim pulled his head back, releasing his lover's cock.

"Wha…?" When Blair gazed down at him, he could clearly see the glazed look of desire in his lover's eyes. "Oh man, Jim, are you trying to kill me here?" Blair sighed, a hint of frustration in his voice.

Jim chuckled, running his hands along the back of Blair's thighs. "I want us to come together. Lay down on top of me." With a smile, Blair quickly stretched out into Jim's waiting arms. Both men groaned in pleasure when their cocks met and slid together.

"How's this?" Blair grinned.

"Perfect." Jim returned the smile, brushing a stray curl away from Blair's forehead. He pulled his partner down for a deep kiss, their tongues sliding and dancing together.

They began slowly, their bodies pushing against each other, causing a sweet pleasurable sensation. With Blair's cock still slick with Jim's saliva, their cocks rubbed together easily and it didn't take long before each man was grunting and moaning with pleasure. Their link sang between them and Jim could feel Blair's climax building; knew that his lover was only seconds away from coming. He dialed up his sense of touch a notch, crying out as his orgasm ripped through his body at the same time that Blair screamed and spilled his hot seed between them.

The second Blair collapsed onto him, Jim quickly wrapped his arms around him in a gentle embrace. He ran slow, lazy circles over Blair's sweat slick lower back and over his ass, waiting until their breathing evened out before speaking.

"That was incredible." Jim lovingly kissed the top of the curly head.

"I have never experienced anything like that before. Along with my own pleasure, I could feel yours as well through our link. Man, it was intense."

"I felt it, too. It's going to take a little getting used to this link thing. Like you said, it was an intense feeling. Gives 'double orgasm' a whole new meaning." Jim felt Blair's body vibrate as he laughed out loud. "Let me up, Chief. I'll get something to clean us up." When Blair flopped over onto his back, Jim slid out of bed, going across the hall into the bathroom. After cleaning himself, Jim returned to the bedroom with a warm, wet washcloth. Blair's eyes were closed, but he hummed softly as Jim wiped the sated body clean.

Dropping the cloth onto a pile of dirty clothes on the floor, Jim knelt on the bed, leaning down to whisper in Blair's ear, "Why don't we move upstairs to my nice big bed?" Blair's eyes popped open quickly, and Jim could hear his heartbeat accelerate. Sitting back on his heels, he took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm sorry. I'm moving too fast, aren't I? I've been wanting you in my bed for so long now, I guess I just assumed you wanted the same thing. I didn't stop to think that maybe you'd want a little time to adjust to us being lovers and – oomph –" Blair's hand over his mouth silenced his next words.

"Jim, man, you're babbling." Blair laughed and moved up on the bed until he was kneeling in front of Jim. "You heard my heartbeat speed up didn't you?"

"Yes, and I –" This time he was silenced with a finger on his lips.

"Shush." Jim obeyed and when Blair pulled his head down, Jim went willingly, letting himself be claimed by his lover's mouth. After a few moments, their kiss ended and Blair continued in a soft voice, "If you had used the link, you would have known that I love the idea of sharing your bed. And you would also know that it was excitement, not fear that made my heart accelerate. I love you, Jim, and even though I may be a little nervous about taking this next step, I am not afraid. I know you'll be gentle and you would never hurt me." Blair smiled warmly when Jim nuzzled into the hand that stroked across his face.

"But I did hurt you. I pushed you away and said some awful things."

"That's over now. I understand that it was fear making you say and do those things. It's in the past now, so let it go."

Jim pulled the beloved body into a tight embrace, tucking Blair's head under his chin. "I promise I'll do my best to never hurt you like that again."

"I know you will." Jim hissed when a pair of warm lips first kissed and then gently suckled at a sensitive nipple. "Now, is that invitation still open?" Blair grinned playfully.

"You bet it is." Jim swatted Blair's butt then stood up, his Guide following quickly behind him. "Why don't you head upstairs and I'll be up in a second?"

"Okay, lover. But there's something I want to do first." Sure hands slid up Jim's chest to rest on his shoulders, then Blair went up on tiptoe bringing their mouths closer together. Quickly, Jim's mouth was devoured in a long passionate kiss, a kiss so hot and demanding that it literally left Jim weak in the knees.

"God, Chief." Jim panted when his lover pulled away. "If you keep that up, we'll never get upstairs."

"I can't help myself." Blair laughed. "I love kissing you."

Jim knew he was grinning like an idiot but he didn't care. It just felt so wonderful that they were finally able to love and touch each other so freely. It was as though a giant cloud that had been hanging over their heads had finally been lifted and the sun brightly shone down on them.

"It does feel wonderful, doesn't it?" Blair said quietly and Jim knew that his Guide had used the link and understood what he was feeling.

He shook his head and smiled. "It is definitely going to take some time to get used to this link." Jim kissed Blair's nose, spun him around and gave him a gentle push out of the room. "Go on, I'll be right up."

As Blair walked away, Jim couldn't help but stare appreciatively at the naked ass. Only when his lover had disappeared from sight did Jim turn and go into the bathroom. Once there he retrieved a box of baby wipes, some ointment with aloe, a tube of lube and some condoms. With his supplies safely wrapped in the towel, Jim quickly moved through the living room, detouring by the coffee table to snatch a couple of Blair's ever-present candles.

When he got to the top of the stairs, Jim had to pause to absorb the sight of Blair lying naked in his bed, eyes closed and hair fanned out on a pillow.

Blair must have sensed he was being watched because a sexy smile spread across his face and his eyes opened slowly to meet Jim's. "What?" he asked when Jim continued to stare.

"For the longest time I knew there was something missing in this room, but I couldn't quite place it until now"

"Oh yeah? What was that?"

"You," Jim said softly.

"Man, Jim, that's the second time tonight that you've left me speechless."

"Hey, I think I'm on to something. I finally found a way to get you to stop talking," Jim said jokingly.

"Ha-ha. You're a riot, Jim," Blair said with a laugh. "Now, get your ass over here."

"God, we've only been in this relationship for an hour and already I'm being bossed around," Jim grumbled playfully, and moved closer to the bed.

"I always boss you around." Blair grinned devilishly. "And you always listen."

"You've got a smart mouth, do you know that?" Opening his arms, Jim dumped the contents he held onto the mattress. Picking out the candles, he placed them on the dresser and lit them, casting the bedroom in to a warm, soft glow.

"That's nice," Blair commented, then looked at the rest of the items on the bed. "Well," he chuckled, "one would think you were hoping to get lucky tonight."

Jim pounced onto the bed, grabbing his lover and rolling them until Blair lay beneath him. Pinning Blair's hands above his head, Jim triumphantly grinned down. "I know just how to keep that mouth quiet." And before his partner could utter another word, Jim captured his lips in a long, hungry kiss.

Satisfied that he had done a sufficient job silencing his lover, Jim broke away to place tender kisses to Blair's eyes, his nose, his chin and downward along his throat. When he came to the small hollow, he slowly swirled his tongue around before sucking gently. The only noise that came out of Blair was a soft moan of pleasure.

Jim kissed a path from Blair's throat, across his chest to the ringed nipple. Even before his lips touched the little nub, his lover was already vibrating in anticipation. Wanting to draw out the anticipation, Jim placed lazy kisses all around the nipple, every once in a while gently nipping the skin with his teeth. After making a full circle, Jim didn't give any warning and he quickly closed his mouth over the ringed nub, sucking hard.

"Oh, God!" Blair shouted, throwing his back and clutching at Jim's head.

"That sensitive, huh?"

"Oh, yeah." Blair's voiced trembled and he groaned loudly when Jim flicked his thumb back and forth across the ring.

Turning away from the enticing nipples, Jim began to explore the rest of his Guide's body with hands and mouth. He took his time, slowly bringing Blair to the edge before backing down and moving on to explore other areas of his lover. He loved how responsive Blair was, loved how he moaned in pleasure, called out Jim's name and arched into his hands as they slid over the hot, sweaty body. Only when Sentinel senses told him that Blair was ready for more, did he slowly move back up the beloved body, to claim already kiss-swollen lips.

Jim nuzzled his lover's neck before whispering into a bejeweled ear, "I'm going to get you ready now."

"God, yes," Blair groaned. "I'm more than ready. Hurry up, lover,"

"Geez, even during sex, your bossy," Jim mumbled teasingly. When he saw that Blair was about to reply, Jim took his mouth in another kiss, silencing him. After a few minutes he pulled away, feeling quite proud of himself that he now knew of a way to keep his Guide quiet. With a little grin, Jim snatched a pillow and moved down toward the end of the bed. "Lift your butt up a little," he directed, but when the request wasn't carried out, Jim glanced up to see Blair looking down at him, a look of both curiosity and amusement on his face. The link told him that Blair was wondering how Jim knew what to do.

"I wasn't going to take any chances on hurting you, so I took some time and checked out a few websites," Jim quickly explained. "What?" he asked when Blair simply grinned and laid back down. "Do I have to come back up there and silence you again?" Jim said jokingly.

Blair burst out laughing. "Hey, I didn't say a thing."

With a chuckle, Jim replied, "No, but I could feel you thinking of a dozen questions to ask."

"I'll shut my mind up now."

"Good. Now, up you go." Playfully Jim tapped Blair's thigh. This time his lover did as asked and Jim slipped the pillow under his lower back. Placing his hands on Blair's knees, Jim carefully spread his thighs apart, fully exposing him and revealing the soft, rosy pucker. He couldn't keep the groan of pleasure from escaping between his lips at the sight of Blair laid out so openly before him. "God, you are so beautiful," he whispered, softly caressing the inside of his lover's strong thighs.

Lowering his head, Jim gently nuzzled at the fuzzy balls, deeply inhaling his Guide's musky scent. He licked his way lower, then tentatively stroked his tongue across the hot little hole.

"Oh yeah!" Blair cried out with pleasure. "God, do that again."

Jim did as asked, alternating between licking and sucking, soon had Blair wiggling and groaning incoherently on the bed. "I'm going to try a finger now."

Reaching out, Jim grabbed the lube and quickly flipped the cap. He placed a small amount on his index finger and rubbed it over and around the outside of Blair's anus, causing another hiss of pleasure from his lover. Adding a more generous amount to the same finger this time, Jim slowly and carefully pushed against the opening until it slid past the tight ring into the hot passage. As he began to slide the digit in and out, Jim used his senses and their link to monitor Blair, making sure that what he was doing wasn't hurting his lover. Satisfied that the noise Blair was making was pleasure and not pain, Jim moved on to lovingly stretch and prepare him, adding two then three fingers as Blair adjusted to being penetrated.

After thoroughly preparing his Guide, Jim sat back, picking up the condom packet. Before he was about to rip it open, he was stopped by Blair.

"We don't have to use that. We know that we're both clean."

"You sure?" At Blair's nod, Jim flipped the packet onto the floor. After liberally coating his now aching erection, Jim took his cock firmly in hand and lined himself up with Blair's center. "We'll take it slow and easy. I'll know if I'm hurting you."

"I love you so much," Blair said, his voice quivering slightly with emotion.

"Love you too, baby." Jim smiled lovingly and placed a light kiss to the inside of his Guide's knee. "Just relax," he said before carefully pushing forward past the tight opening. Hearing a little grunt, Jim waited until Blair's muscles adjusted before moving. Slowly he slid deeper, only stopping when he knew his lover was feeling discomfort and continuing on when he felt Blair relax again.

Finally sheathed deep within his Guide, Jim leaned forward, covering the body beneath him. Placing his hands on either side of Blair's head, Jim looked down and meeting the bright blue eyes staring up at him, he smiled tenderly.

"Oh, Jim," Blair whispered breathlessly, "there are just no words."

"It's incredible," Jim replied softly and dipped his head to share a deep, passion-filled kiss with his lover.

Slowly, Jim began to move, the pleasure more exquisite than he had ever experienced before. The link sizzled between them, and Jim's mind felt the instant that Blair's discomfort fully turned to only pleasure. Quickening the pace, he angled his thrust so it pushed against his lover's prostate, making Blair cry out. Arms wrapped around Jim's shoulders, gripping him tightly and pulling him impossibly closer, trapping Blair's erection between their sweaty bodies.

Jim set a steady rhythm, thrusting in and out of his lover. When he sensed that his Guide's climax was close, he picked up his movements, purposely hitting Blair's prostate with each inward thrust. With a grunt and shout of Jim's name, Blair came, bathing them with his seed. The tightening of his lover's internal muscles squeezed his cock and the sweet sensation drove Jim over the edge. With one final thrust, he spilled his completion deep within his Guide. He bonelessly collapsed, on top of Blair for a few seconds before rolling them over so his lover now covered him.

He felt Blair shift, and knew that his Guide was intently watching him. When their gazes locked, Jim was blown away by the love he saw shining from within the blue depths and he never felt so complete. With a smile, Blair lowered his head and they shared a long lazy kiss. Slowly, they rolled together on the bed until they lay on their sides facing each other. Still kissing, Jim slid a hand along Blair's side to his hip, then back to gently caress a soft buttock.

"You okay? Not too sore?" Jim asked with concern.

"I'm fine, just a little sore. But it's a good sore," Blair said with a grin.

"Let me get you cleaned up."

With a tender kiss to Blair's lips, Jim sat up. Grabbing the baby wipes, he first cleaned Blair and then himself. After tossing the wipes in the wastebasket, he picked up the tube of ointment and held it up for Blair to see. "I want to put some of this in you. It should help sooth some of the burning sensation."

"Okay," Blair agreed. "How do you want me?" Jim snickered at the question, causing a laugh to come from Blair as well. "You know what I mean," Blair chuckled.

"Lie on your back, and pull your knees up." When Blair did as asked, Jim had to pause a second and take in the site before him. "God, Chief, seeing you like this, I want you all over again."

"Then take me," Blair said softly.

"No, lover, not yet. As much as I'd love to, I want you to be a little less tender before we try it again." As gently as possible, Jim applied the cream to his lover's anus, being sure to coat both inside the passage and around the little pucker. Once satisfied that he had done a sufficient job, Jim placed the tube on his bedside table and returned to Blair's side. Before lying next to him, Jim retrieved his pillow, flipped it behind his head then lay back. Holding his arms open, Blair quickly moved into his embrace, cuddling against Jim's side.

"Maybe next time I could do you?" Blair asked, drawing little circles on Jim's chest.

Jim took Blair's hand in his, pulled it up to his lips and kissed the knuckles lightly. "You can do me anytime, Chief."

"Really?" Blair blinked up at him innocently. "Anytime?" The second Blair moved, Jim knew he was in trouble. He laughed as his Guide landed not so gently on top of him, but soon the laughter turned to a moan when his lips were claimed and his penis was fondled with a sure touch.

With the link wide open, each touch and kiss that was both given and received was intensified. Slowly and sensually, their bodies danced and moved together, their cries of pleasure a musical sound as it flowed throughout the loft.

THE END

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Author's Acknowledgements: Many thanks to my beta's for their great work! Originally published in the AOMM 5 Zine.