Lethal Combination -- Kel

Jim covered his face with his hands, massaging his eye sockets. The grating voice he'd heard entering the building a half hour ago had asked for Blair Sandburg and then proceeded to talk the ear off of the unlucky desk cop until his partner finally finished his report and signed off on it. Blair dropped it off by Simon's office and then headed down to meet his guest.

As soon as the two of them had gotten together, the voice had gone from grating to nails on chalkboard. Oh dear God, have pity on me, he beseeched the Heavenly Being. Don't make it another Sandburg.

There was no answer from the Supreme Deity, for Blair and his friend were approaching in the elevator, and Blair was just getting wound up.

I'm too old for this shit, Jim thought, looking around as Blair got off the elevator with... a man Jim's age or thereabouts, definitely handsome, and slightly familiar. The other man was going a mile a minute about sharks and a guy named Leo and Blair was countering with guppies and their fishing trip when the chatter drew to a halt in front of Jim's desk.


"Last time I checked."

Blair gave Jim a rude look. "Jim, this is Martin Riggs. Martin, this is my parter, Jim Ellison."

"Captain Riggs," Jim said, shaking the other man's hand. "I thought I recognized you."

Blair looked from man to man. "You two know each other?"

Riggs shrugged. "Not really, just worked together once a few years ago. By the way, how's that bullet hole doing? I got one like it from the same caliber of gun and it barely leaves a scratch." Martin started to shuck his shirt off, and Blair stalled it.

"Wait, wait until we get back home."

Riggs looked from Jim to Blair. "You mean you two? I didn't know that but hey, that's cool, right, keep it in the family tradition?"

Jim looked at Blair for a translation; talking to Riggs was like talking to Naomi on speed.

"He means that um... I'm not the first fairy in the family."

Jim threw a gaze to Riggs, who simply grinned and flicked his eyes over Jim and then over his friend. Jim's sigh was audible this time. "I'm too old for this shit," he muttered.

"Oh, no, no you're not. C'mon, Jim, say it with me. I'm not too old for this shit."

Riggs' voice carried, and the entire bullpen was silent. Then, to everyone's surprise, Simon's voice chimed in from his office. "I'm not too old for this shit!"

"All right! Again!" Soon, everybody in the bullpen--except Jim--had joined into the chant. "We're not too old for this shit! We're not too old for this shit! We're not too old for this shit."

Jim scowled and grabbed his jacket. "I'm too old for this shit." He stalked out to the sound of everyone's good-natured laughing behind him.

Blair sprinted behind Jim, and Riggs meandered through the bullpen, shaking hands and greeting people, and ended up at the elevator at the same time that Jim and Blair arrived there, smirking at both men. "Okay, so where are we going?" Riggs asked.

Jim didn't say anything, and Blair picked up the conversation. "Oh, man, dinner. We're thinking what, Chinese?"

Martin shook his head. "Oh no. No Chinese. The food sort of loses it's appeal after you've been dangling off a roof in Chinatown and end up falling into a dumpster of Chinese food. Sorry, no thanks. Just not my thing anymore. Seafood would be good though, you guys up for seafood?"

If Jim's eyes could have boggled out of their sockets, they would have. "Seafood."

"Yeah, fish and chips, broiled flounder, the fried trout, you know, fish, gills, saltwater," Riggs said, putting his hands behind his ears and making a little fish mouth. Blair had to stifle a set of giggles and Jim merely rolled his eyes. Riggs looked over at Blair. "Is he always this uptight?"

"Mmmmhmmm." The affirmative noise is all that Blair could manage without hysterics. His body was shaking and his hand was clapped over his mouth as they waited for the elevator.

"Damn, you could bounce quarters off this man's whole, you know, aura, thingie," Riggs commented, gesturing wildly with his hands as they got onto the lift. "Stick a lump of coal up his ass and you'll get back the Hope diamond."

Blair could no longer contain himself and he whooped loudly, startling the people on three floors as the elevator started to move down.

~ * ~ * ~

Dinner with Martin Riggs was proving to be an adventure in and of itself. Blair was usually very well behaved but with Riggs at the table, Jim had already changed the seating arrangement, putting himself between Riggs and Blair to stop the impromptu kicking matches under the table. Right now they were ensconced in a complicated game of Paper Rock Scissors vs. Blair's more environmentally correct Papyrus Adobe Spearhead. The hand gestures flying back and forth between the two seemed like a perverted variant of sign language, and he got the feeling they were all unkind gestures about him. Clearing his throat and cueing Blair with a swift kick in the shin, Jim broke up the little game. "So what's the deal with you and Riggs here, Chief?"

"Oh, man, I've known Martin like… forever. Five years old, right? Naomi's on another one of her treks, and she hooks up with this guy and she finds out that the guy's brother is a pig. Now, before she left to process that information, she left me with the guy and told me, don't play with the pig. What the hell does a five year old know about cops and pigs, right? Right. Anyway, Martin here was the pig brother, and when the flake my mom was going out with disappeared right after Naomi did, Martin and me, we hung out, see? One of Naomi's other girlfriends took me in for a few days until she came back, but me and Martin, we got to be good buddies. Boy, did Naomi have a cow over that one."

Riggs picked up the narrative from Blair without missing a beat. "And boy did she ever. Naomi pitched a God-awful fit that her son had been hanging out with the pigs, and she was screaming at me for ten minutes about how there wasn't enough sage in the world to burn the pig-vibes away from her son and how she was never going to let Blair see me ever again."

Then Blair picked it up again. "That lasted all of about six months, when she needed to leave LA for a while and go… I don't remember where."

"Istanbul," Riggs supplied.

"Right, Istanbul," Blair continued on. "And when she was gone, me and Martin hung out again. We've been keeping in touch ever since, he's like my absolute best friend outside of you, Jim."

I hate you, God. There are two of them. Jim suddenly wished for his hearing to go on the fritz as the two of them started reminiscing about a snipe hunt when Blair was twelve. This is enough to make you put a gun barrel in your mouth. Jim just signaled the waitress for another beer.

An hour and a half and five beers later, Jim no longer cared if their half of the restaurant fell off the pier as long as they shut up. It seemed that neither man had taken a breath since the Istanbul story. Appetizer, bread, main course and now dessert had come and they were still talking. Jim wondered briefly if they'd notice him diving off the pier to get away.

Finally, after another half hour and two more beers, thankfully dessert and coffee was over with and he seriously considered leaving Riggs on the dock when a little hand appeared under his nose. "Keys, please, Jim."

He studied the hand for a millisecond before he realized it was Blair's hand and he was asking for the keys to the truck. "Here you go, Chief. I'm riding in the back. I need the fresh air."

"Got it, bet the fish smells are getting to you, huh?"

"You could say that." Beats saying the bullshit level is choking me…

"Fish smells? This place doesn't smell anything like one of our LA fish markets. Open air, hot sun… hey, Jim, you okay?"

The Sentinel had turned slightly green at the mention of the hot open air fish market. He tossed his credit card to Blair. "um, here Chief. Just put it on the credit card and I'll be waiting in the truck for you." He fled.

Blair just shrugged as he met Riggs' mystified gaze. "Sensitive nose."


~ * ~ * ~

Jim threw himself onto the couch in the loft and once more prayed for his hearing to shut off. No such luck as Blair and Riggs came right in behind him. Jim sat up just in time to avoid having Blair sit on his head and Riggs on his feet as he found himself sandwiched between the two men. Reaching out, Jim unerringly clapped his hand across Blair's mouth, and was rewarded with a moment of blessed silence before Riggs started in.

"You know, you really should try to loosen up, Jim. I mean, it's not like you're the first tight ass I've ever come across. My partner, Murtaugh, he's as tight as they come. Least I thought he was until I met you. Rog ain't got nothing on you, man."

"Hey, how is Roger?" Blair blurted out, taking the scrutiny off Jim for a minute. "His daughter still married to the Butters kid?"

"Yeah, yeah, doing great, too. Loves being a grandpa. Swears he's never going to let me see the kid but I love babysitting him. Says I'm going to be a bad influence."

Oh, wherever might he get that idea? Jim thought wryly to himself. If nothing else, the kid'll learn some creative language.

"No way! You hung out with me all the time and check how I turned out!"

"Oh, yeah, I'm sure that'll sway Rog real nice," Riggs snorted, reaching around Jim to flip Blair's hair. "Not sure which'll get my ass kicked first, the curly locks or the company you keep. He had a fit when he found out Rianna was going out with a cop anyway!"

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with the company I keep and if I remember Rianna right, she was a beautiful young lady anyway. If I went that way I'd have gone for her in a second."

"Yeah, and Roger would have kicked your ass, and mine, too."

Neither man seemed to notice that Jim was silent nor that he was screwing his eyes shut and willing his ears to shrivel like cauliflower. Finally Jim couldn't stand it anymore. He was desperate. There had to be a way to make Riggs shut up. Then he hit on. Desperation drove him. "SANDBURG, SHUT UP!" Jim roared, and then grabbed Martin by the shirt collar and hauled him into a long, dazzling kiss.

Jim's tongue stroked Martin's mouth thoroughly, lips pressing tightly together as he sucked firmly at the other man's tongue. His hands pressed down on Riggs' shoulders, and was rewarded with a relaxing of the man's entire body and Jim broke it, breathing deeply.

It worked.

Riggs was silent. And so was Blair. Then Jim found himself swarmed. Blair was plastering himself to the top half of Jim's body and Riggs' hands seemed to be everywhere below the waist, and Jim was just buzzed enough to be out of it and not realize just how quickly he was undressed by the four eager hands of Riggs and Sandburg.

"Hey, Jim, if you wanted to fuck all you had to do was say so, man," Blair breathed into his ear. "I've always wanted to see you do another guy." He rubbed himself against Jim's chest as he tugged at the buttons hiding Jim's skin from his perusal. He lifted his ass enough to let Riggs jerk down Jim's jeans and briefs, and then went back to rubbing himself against Jim.

"Hey, Blair, uh, you think you maybe wanna move this, you know, upstairs, to the bed, so we can all… get in on the fun?"

"Oh yeah. Right. Upstairs. Let's go." Blair got up and dragged Jim--who by this time didn't care about anything as long as there was a naked Blair involved--up the stairs behind him.

Riggs came up the stairs last, untucking and unzipping as he climbed. "Blair… I never noticed before what a fine ass you've got."

Blair slid his hand down Jim's back and rubbed his Sentinel's ass. "No, man, you want a fine ass check this one out. Jim's got the firmest ass I've ever seen, you can squeeze it and feel it." He did so, and Jim moaned softly. "He's an ass man, I tell you. Play with that ass long enough and he'll be begging like a baby."

Blair pushed Jim down on the bed, and the Sentinel rolled onto his back, stroking his cock as he watched Riggs and Blair undress each other. He moved onto his side as Riggs kissed Blair deeply and then Blair moved back over to Jim, and pushed the Sentinel onto his stomach. "Move up to his head," Blair told Riggs, and smiled at Jim as he started to just gently rub the Sentinel's ass. Jim sighed and wiggled a little to get comfortable, and Blair popped him once to stop him from moving. Jim stilled, and Blair spread Jim open, his tongue dancing over the tight little hole, watching it dance and contract under the touches of his tongue.

Jim lowered himself to where his cock rubbed against the bed, and Riggs' eyes widened. "Hey, Blair, let me try that."

Blair rubbed the small of Jim's back, and Jim nodded. "Be careful with my man, Martin, I'll have to kick your ass if you hurt him."

"I wouldn't hurt a perfect ass like this," Martin said, cupping the firm globes against his palms, spreading them and then rolling them back together. He cocked his head and watched as Blair slid himself under Jim, and Jim started to suck deeply on Blair's cock as Blair deepthroated the Sentinel's organ. Martin quickly finished kneading the hard globes and spread them wide apart, and then licked the exposed crack once. Jim shivered, and Blair yelped as the Sentinel sucked hard on his cock. "Was that good, Blair?"

Blair released Jim's cock only long enough to answer. "Hell, yeah!" Taking the hard organ into his mouth again, Blair continued sucking as Riggs dove in with his tongue, working it into the tight hole and feeling it give slightly as he pushed more of his tongue inside.

Jim moaned against Blair's cock, and the Guide vibrated as the moan slid across his head and down his shaft and through his body. Riggs was getting so hard he could burst, and his tongue was so far down Jim's ass he could swear he felt tonsils. He slowly slid his tongue out of Jim's ass and looked down. Jim's head was resting on Blair's thigh as he sucked and stroked his Guide's cock, and Blair's mouth was busy on Jim's cock. "Hey, you mind if I… of course you don't." He looked around and found lube on the dresser and condoms in the nightstand, and rolled the rubber on and then lubed it up with one hand while he worked slick fingers into Jim's relaxed hole. Two fingers slid in, and Riggs pumped several times, and then a third finger eased in as well, and Blair jerked his mouth off Jim's cock and turned around, laying flat under Jim. The Sentinel propped himself up on his hands and knees, and Blair slid under him further, stealing the lube from Riggs and stretching himself for Jim's cock.

Jim licked Blair's throat as he watched the Guide slide fingers in and out of his own ass, and then growled at Blair's ear. "You never do that for me, Chief. I want you to do that for just me sometime."

Blair laughed once, lifting himself and turning onto his stomach, guiding Jim's cock into his stretched hole. As Jim slowly sank forward into his Guide, Riggs slowly pushed into Jim. Blair went down flat on the bed and Jim followed, keeping their bodies pressed tightly together and holding Blair close to him as he moved gently.

Blair felt incredible as the weight of two men pressed down on him, and it drove Jim's cock deeper into his ass than he'd ever been before. "Oh God, oh God, oh God!" Blair chanted as Jim stabbed him deeply with each thrust.

"Not hardly, Blair, but I know I'm good," Jim teased, finally having his wits about him as Riggs slowly reamed his ass. It was feeling real damn good to Jim to be in the middle, to fuck and be fucked at the same time. He and Riggs set up a counterpoint in their strokes: as Jim withdrew from Blair he pushed his ass back to Martin, and the force of Riggs' forward thrust sent Jim stroking deeply into Blair, who was furiously stroking his own cock.

The onrush of Blair's orgasm set off a chain reaction. Jim's pounding of his Guide's prostate sent Blair into quivering spasms, his ass clenching around Jim's cock and pulling it deep as Jim cried out and spilled his seed. He in turn bore down on Riggs, milking the come out of Martin as he gripped Jim's hips tightly.

The three men tumbled to the bed, tangling together in arms and legs. Jim clung proprietarily to Blair as Martin curled around Blair's backside, and rested his chin on Blair's shoulder. "We've got to do this again sometime soon."

Jim whispered something in Blair's ear. "Wonder how your friend feels about ball gags?"

The End

Acknowledgements: To Patt for helping me think up the idea and for the beautiful cover. I'd thank Mel Gibson for being such a hottie but I don't think that was his idea--instead I thank Mr. & Mrs. Gibson for their genetics. *grin* Thank you, Mary, for beta'ing this little sucker and finally to Angelise for not kicking my butt because it took me so bloody long to finish.

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